Suggestions for my story

[irina67]

Hey all,

I started writing my own SwanQueen fic a while ago and was a bit hesitant on posting it, until I decided that it was time to share it.

I know that my English is not the best and my writing isn't pro level, but I really put a lot of effort in the three chapters I posted. Sadly it didn't result in the reaction I was expecting from the readers, regarding the reviews, favorites etc.

So, I am in search of what could be wrong and I'd like to ask for some opinions and if you have any suggestions. It is ongoing still, but I have already the story planned and it will probably result in around 15 chapters, if not more. But as it is still something not final I could always take under consideration any suggestions you have to offer

The fic is this:
www.fanfiction.net/s/9393255/1/Power-In-My-Hands

It takes place in FTL and is post-curse timeline, right after the end of the first season.

Thanks in advance for your replies :3

[giftofamber]

I will check out your story and let you know what I think. As for readers in general, I've noticed that ff net readers are often too lazy to log in and leave a review, so a better idea of how you are doing is your view count between the second and third chapters. The first chapter will always be highest because you have to click it to go to whatever chapter you are looking for, but you want to see if the readers who make it past chapter one stick with you.

Our fandom in particular is very used to good grammar, so you are probably going to want to actively find a beta.

I'll give more feedback after I read it.

[giftofamber]

Ok, I read it. First of all, there is nothing inherently wrong with your story. It was quite dark, and I don't tend to read dark as a general rule, but I made an exception because you asked so nicely. I do have a few suggestions to help you improve it though (beyond find a beta).

First, you should label your story as dub-con because of the scene in the third chapter. Second, a lot of your first chapter is basically an overview of what happened in the show. Most of your readers already have watched the show and are ready to pick up with the action so to speak. Your first chapter should be your "hook" as it were to keep the reader intrigued. Get into character development after you've already hooked your reader. Also, keep in mind, especially when you are taking a very dark point of view, that you will walk a fine line between people sympathizing with your characters vs believing them beyond redemption. I hope this helps.

[irina67]

Thank you very much for taking the time to read it.
I really appreciate it, especially when it is not a type of story you like to read, being so dark and all.

I will take your suggestions under consideration for the next chapters.
The part for the dub-con kinda confuses me. If you mean the scene when she was assaulted by the guard, I changed the rating to M because of this and other scenes of violence. I thought it was enough ^^

Again thanks for telling me your opinion and advice.
Take care :3

[giftofamber]

Jul 9, 2013 14:42:48 GMT -6 irina67 said:

Thank you very much for taking the time to read it.
I really appreciate it, especially when it is not a type of story you like to read, being so dark and all.

I will take your suggestions under consideration for the next chapters.
The part for the dub-con kinda confuses me. If you mean the scene when she was assaulted by the guard, I changed the rating to M because of this and other scenes of violence. I thought it was enough ^^

Again thanks for telling me your opinion and advice.
Take care :3

I see the confusion. Most people see M rating and think sexual content. That is completely separate from trigger warnings. Examples of trigger warnings would be dub-con (dubious consent, in this case between Regina and Emma), non-con (non-consensual), suicidal ideation, cancer, character death, heterosexual content, eating disorders. Trigger warnings are an added courtesy that are why I am far more likely to read a fanfic than a book, which does not have such warnings.

[irina67]

I understand what you mean

Thank you very much for explaining! :3